Quote: you're a dick
Quote: blah
Quote: Ex-Wife CALLS:Mort are you okay?
Mort: Yea why?
Ex-Wife:Well I just had one of those feelings again.
[Mort thrusts phone in the air with one hand, grabs it with the other,and 'strangles' it lifelessly
Quote: [Mort walks in girl and looks at girl.Smiles]Hi.
She smiles and turns away,somewhat scared.
[Checking out]Kinda late could you hurry?
[Cashier smiles and slowly checks out,Mort walks up behind girl] Hi.
Girl:Hey...
Mort:Braces![points at braces]
Girl:yea...I see...
Mort:Uh...Do You wanna umm...
Girl: No [walks out of store]

Quote: [Mort is trying to write a story but the house keeper is vacumming noisily]
Mort: [Looks at Chico] If you don't bite her, I'll kill her.
Quote: Housekeeper:Oh Mr.Rainey,I found a story in the trash so I took it out and put it on the table for you.
Mort:I see that. [Motions fake gun and acts like he shoots her]
Quote: Mort:[looks at dog] I'm open for suggestions.
Quote: Ex-Wife: Will you call me if you need anything?
Mort: I doubt it.
Ex-Wife: I was just trying to make you feel better.
Mort: WELL MAYBE YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE FUCKED HIM THEN!!!
[Slams phone on reciever and crackks jaw]
Quote: Mort: I KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE!IF YOU DON'T COME OUT BY THE TIME I COUNT TO FIVE I'M GONNA COME IN SWINGIN'! [Wipes hand on pants]
ONE...TWO...[runs in bathroom swinging]
Quote: Mr.Shooter: How are you feeling Mr.Rainy?
Mort: Oh, just peachy Mr.Shooter and how are you?
Quote: Mort: What do you think it means, you ignorant hick? I'm in the middle of a divorce.D-I-V-O-R-C-E DEE-VORCE!
Quote: Mort:I won't call her.I want to take a nap.Okay,I won't take a nap.I'll call her about the magazine,Then I'll take a nap.What do you think? [Chico walks out the door]
Mort: [beating underchin to vibrate voice] Ch-h-h-h-i-i-i-c-c-c-o-o-o
Don't be dis-c-c-co-o-o-u-u-u-r-a-g-g-e-d-d-d!Fine then, you blind bastard, see if I care.
Quote: -- 'Cause I saw what you did. -- Pardon. -- I said they's kill me if you did.
Quote: .. I don't like to be threatened TED, it makes me feel icky..
Quote: I don't like confrontation Ted, it makes me feel icky inside.
Quote: I buried my dog Mr.
Quote: (Johnny with a southern accent) Now I didn't lay a hand on him misses I swear, he took the cowards way out.
Quote: --You had a gun.
--Wasn't loaded.
Quote: Are all these things coincidences?
Quote: Shooter: Don't get your pants all in a bunch, im just getting my smokes.
Quote: {Johnny}Chico if you dont bite her ill kill her
Quote: I'm a dairy farmer from Mississippi.

Quote: I don't wanna call her. I want to go to sleep. I want to take a nap. Okay. No nap. I give her a call about the magazine. I go write some crap for a couple of hours and then I get to take a nap, right? Chico? Chi-i-i-i-co-o-o-o, don't be disco-o-o-oura-a-a-aged! All right, go ahead and be discouraged, you blind bastard, see if I care.
Quote: John:) Thought you didn't smoke. Mort:) I took it up recently, for my health.
Quote: Ted:) Maybe I should take a walk around the block. Amy:) Yes, that'd be good. Mort:) Aw heck, Ted, live a little - make it two. Rubbernecker.

Quote: Johnny= Chico if you don't go bite her I'll kill her
Quote: I know, Todd Downey said, helping himself to another ere of corn from the steaming bowl. In time, her death will be a mystery...even to me.
---Mort Rainey (Johnny Depp)
Quote: I don't respond well to intimidation. Makes me feel... icky.
Quote: I'd be lying if I said I wasn't on the verge of doing Snoopy dances.
Quote: I'm in trouble.
Quote: Ah! Vah! Ah!(trying to get himself to go away)
Quote: This is just bad writing. (You know what to do, so do it) No bad writing. There. I think that settles it.
Quote: This is not my beautful house. This is not my beautiful wife...anymore.
Quote: i don't like intimidation, it makes me feel icky
Quote: i know ur in there shithead. im goin to count to 5 and if u dont come out by then im goin to come in swingin. 1-2 ( he runs in and swings and hits his mirror) i just killed my mirror ( turns and swings at his shower door) and my shower door. ( he finds a mouse and he picks it up and takes it outside lets it down and shooter shows up as mort is smoking) i thought u didnt smoke. i just brought it up. so how u feeling mr. rainey. oh just peachy. u didnt sound to good in there.
Quote: i know ur in there shithead. im goin to count to 5 and if u dont come out by then im goin to come in swingin. 1-2 ( he runs in and swings and hits his mirror) i just killed my mirror ( turns and swings at his shower door) and my shower door. ( he finds a mouse and he picks it up and takes it outside lets it down and shooter shows up as mort is smoking) i thought u didnt smoke. i just brought it up. so how u feeling mr. rainey. oh just peachy. u didnt sound to good in there.
Quote: What do you think it means, you ignorant hick? I'm in the middle of a divorce! D-I-V-O-R-C-E.. DIVORCE!
Quote: I'm just going to smoke.. I'm just going to totally smoke. And tomorrow I'll go down to the store, buy a new pack, and smoke the shit out of that.
Quote: I just killed my mirror.. And my shower door.
Quote: you stole my story- idont believe i know you- i know that that dont matter i know you mr. rainey thats what matters.
Quote: ccccccccccchhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiiiiiiicccccccccccccccccooooooooooo dont be ddddddddiiiiiiissssssscccccccccccccooooooooooouuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrraaaaaaaaagggggggeeeeeeeee
come bbbbaaaaaaacccccccckkkkkkkkkkk
Quote: Mort: Chicoooo don't be discouraged
Quote: What do you think it means you ignorant hick! I'm in the middle of a divorce. D I V O R C E, divorce!
Quote: a women who would steal your love when your love was the only thing you really had, wasn't much of a woman
Quote: Fuck it, I smoke. And tomorrow I'll go to the store, buy a pack, and I'll smoke the shit out of those.
Quote: Fuck it, I smoke. And tomorrow I'll go to the store and I'll smoke the shit out of those!
Quote: girl- wow you're really pale!
mort- ya thanks.
Quote: I killed my window. **glass breaks** and my shower door.
Quote: I know youre in there, Shithead!!!
Quote: -Did you do anything to piss him off?
*Shows flashback of Ted screaming*
-....I might of
Quote: braces (pointing at his mouth) just trying to straighten some things out.
Quote: I am sorry Mrs. but you must have the wrong number cuz Mort don't live here no more!--Mort/John Shooter
Quote: Aw heck, Ted, live a little; make it two...rubbernecker!
Quote: Her death remains a mystery...even to me.
Quote: The only thing that matters is the ending. It's the most important part of the story... and this one is very good. This one is perfect.
Quote: ted-we need to talk
johnny-im in trouble...
Quote: Rubbernecker!
Quote: I will burn your life and everyone person in it like a cane field in a high wind.
Quote: -What do you want from me?! -My ending. I want you to fix it.
Quote: You're out there all alone. Anything could happen, and nobody would know.
Quote: You scare too easy.
Quote: Kind of a strange coincidence...the stories being so much alike.
Quote: -You stole my story.
-I don't belive I know you.
-I know you Mr. Rainey. That's what matters. You stole my story.
Quote: ...and this one is very good. This one is perfect.
Quote: The only thing that matters is the ending. It's the most important part of the story.

The quotes above are distinct quotations from the associated movie.